suck it up and say it
October 1, 2008I took my little girl to the beach today. It was warm enough for us to make the long trek (it’s only 2 blocks) to the famous NJ shore. It’s really only popular with people who don’t have means (or time) to get to a nice place like north carolina or florida. Don’t get me wrong…it’s not bad. And if Misty’s vote mattered, the beach here was just fine (though she preferred mexico!).
I’m beginning to think that her unquenchable love of the beach is genetic though. Olivia was SO into it today. It was a really nice, but different, couple of hours. I’ve done tons of things with her before, but today was a bit different; there was a lingering knowledge that it’s just us now. There’s no end of the day return mommy with dinner, or meeting her at grandma’s house for chicken cacciatore. It wasn’t a stressful obsession by any means, just kind of matter of fact I guess. It started when we were walking the splintery boardwalk down over the dunes and she ran a few steps ahead quickly turning around and saying “no mommy…just daddy”. There was no prompting on my part and we hadn’t talked about that in a couple hours. She repeated it probably ten times, like she had to convince herself or something. I just affirmed her and told her we’d be ok.
I am pretty ok with talking with her about this stuff. It doesn’t really upset me or anything. It’s been a process. In fact, I almost made it through the day today without getting teary (most days are 95% ok – till I run into something that triggers the “missing her” emotion). Then I found a card laying on my table. Misty’s mom had found it going through some stuff last week and laid it out for me. It was a birthday card for me that Misty bought when she was still walking. She had tucked it away in her desk. My birthday was in May, just around the time she stopped talking and just around the time she lost her ability to write at all.
Misty was a serious card giver. She wouldn’t buy a card unless it said exactly what she wanted to say. Getting a card from her was never generic – it was always words from her heart, even if they weren’t in blue ink. It was so nice to hear words from her that I had not yet heard; to be loved by her just a little bit.
I can’t help but put a challenge out today. If you were going to lose your ability to speak tomorrow, or even next week, is there something you need to tell someone today? Too often we are let our pride get in the way of giving praise to someone who deserves it. It doesn’t make you look weak to recognize someone’s strengths…it actually makes you look stronger. Be generous with your words of praise and encouragement. And for the people closest to you, never take for granted that they know you love them. Never take for granted that they know you think they are talented, or that you appreciate them. Just say it…suck it up and say it. (This especially goes to my fellow men who so often don’t like to be vulnerable with their words. This is really important…even more so for your kids)
Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Darren,
That was just to beautiful I just could not help but cry when I read your letter for today!
I just want to give Olivia the biggest hug ever, If you could do that for me and have her gave you a big hug as well as God wraps himself around you two, I pray for the peace that passes as each day goes by……
You know it just came to me today as a friend and I were talking, our Boss lost his 21 month old son last month and you know as we were talking we thought how wonderful it was that Misty is in heaven and is playing and jumping around telling little Austin about her Olivia and that some day that we will be all together.
I just had to share that with you!
Darren you are doing such a wonderful job, no dout about it Olivia is going to grow up to be such a wonderful young lady.
I love you both and may God Bless each day as you share this time with Olivia.
Love and Prayers
Pam and Family
Thank-you for the reminder!
Hey Darren,
I was along the waters yesterday as well, I was freezing the whole time, must be old age. I know reminders are tough but its great for Olivia, kids need constant reminders, they want those reminders so its hard for us as adults but a blessing for the little ones. When you are feeling up to it give me a call and we can do lunch. Continue to stay strong.
I believe you will find that Olivia will help keep you strong in the days to come. You are such an inspiration to me. We often don’t tell people what we really feel…we hold it inside thinking we’ll do it tomorrow. Thank you for reminding me to do it now “today” because there isn’t always a tomorrow.
My prayers!
Of all the posts you’ve written, today’s GOT me. “no mommy… just daddy”
Thanks for the exhortation. Taken.
Good day to you my brother .. I just want to tell you that your advice today is a very good one .. I’m a true believer that we should say or tell those around us that we care for that we love them.. that we appreciate them or that they did a good job in what ever it is that they did .. alot of men and women also do not tell each other that they love them .. not knowing if tomorrow they will get that chance …
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.
10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;
Romans 12:9,10
again my brother .. God’s peace.. love.. and joy be with you today and forever .. Tbone out
Darren,
I really needed these words today.
Thank you for continuing this blog and challenging us.
You and Olivia as well as Misty’s family and friends are in my prayer.
I’m setting out to make today count!
In His Grip, CJC
Thank you for the awesome reminder. Life is so fragile. We should be saying the things we we want to now.
I think it is awesome that you got to see that card. I have been specifically praying that you would have signs from Misty to bring you peace.
Thank you for the reminder. I read you first thing every morning (usually at work which is why my comments tend to be sporadicly posted) and I am always touched, inspired, drawn to your honesty… the list goes on and on. I am blessed to just be reading you…I can only imagine what it’s like for those close to you.
I like the new header of the site and what you said in your new blurb…Well put. And you’re right. It’s the struggle of what faith really IS.
Thanks for the reminder. I have been thinking of writing my nine year old son a letter telling him how great he is. I won’t put it off any longer. When your kids are babies it is so easy to tell them and show them how much you love them. As they get older it becomes a little more difficult, especially with boys. He’s too macho for a heart to heart with Mom.
Praying for you today.
Jamie
Great words of wisdom- as always. Thank you!
The new banner is simply beautiful. She is beautiful.
Thank you for your words each day. I wake up to be inspired each morning from you. Thank you for your advice this morning. Now, instead of telling someone I love them out of routine, I’m telling them why…I started with my husband this morning. And, that’s not something I often do…is tell him all of the reasons I do love him. Thank you for making a difference!
My prayers are with you and Olivia.
Darren, The re-design of this blog is beautiful. Misty is beautiful.
This was a wonderful post Darren!! I bet it was a great day at the beach with your baby.
You make us think a lot about ourselves and what God wants from us. Thank you! The site is so nice and I love the picture of Misty. You have a beautiful wife…I will also consider her still here and with you! Have a good day and know were thinking about you and your family….give hugs to Olivia from us!
Kariann
Thank you so much for your words today. They really spoke to my heart. I am praying for you and your little Olivia, and that you both feel Gods arms around you today.
Darren
I have read your site for the past number of weeks and I was praying alongside you for Misty’s recovery – I am so sorry for your loss. I only realized today that Misty was the same age as me – what a legacy you have in your beautiful daughter.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both as you continue this journey. Thank you for this blog and your continued inspiration and reminders to us all to live life a little more fully.
Thank you for the challenge & words of wisdom in today’s blog! You always know how to put things in such great persepctive.
I’m praying for you and Olivia everday
The new banner is beautiful, Darren. Looking at the dates on it struck me a bit because it cemented for me the fact that Misty is with our Heavenly Father. Your blog did make me think of many times I’ve wanted to say things and I didn’t. Today, I don’t waste a moment to express the love I have for others…whether they are related to me or not. God tells us to love and to be love to others in action, words, deeds…Thank you on your reflections…They are as warm to the heart as the sun on the beach sands…Praying that God dries your tears, soothes your soul and comforts you each step of the way…Hugs and many butterfly kisses to Olivia…
Jisenia
Thank you for the challenge & words of wisdom in today’s blog! You always know how to put things in such great perspective.
I’m praying for you and Olivia everday
Darren and Olivia,
The banner is so beautiful. As soon as I saw it though, it struck me HOW young Misty was. I had never really paid attention, I knew she was young, but, I saw she was 3 years younger than I, and it made me stop. I agree with the others who have said Olivia will keep you strong. Something about having an innocent little one to watch out for that makes you cope better. Emma and I keep you in our prayers and thank you for the reminder. It’s nice that you still think of others in this difficult time. Much love and many prayers to you.
Encouraged by your strength in the Lord! You are in our prayers.
Darren…
You are so right. I have been feeling that way recently. At Edwin’s wake, the pastor got up and adressed everyone and talked about how our days are numbered.
“Teach us to number our days and recognize how few they are; help us to spend them as we should.”
-Psalm 90:12 (Living Bible)
It really got me to thinking that we don’t know how many days we have or how many days others have either. We should not only watch how we live and think about how we want to be remembered, but you’re right…we should tell others how we feel. In the middle of all the loss over the past couple weeks, I went out and got Tim a card just to tell him how I feel. I just got that sense of urgency you were talking about. There are so many others I should tell as well.
My heart goes out to you Darren and I just want to say I have a lot of respect for how you live your life and how great you are with your daughter. I want you to know that I have learned so much from you and Misty. Hearing people talk about Misty at the Memorial Service, really made me look into my heart and answer some questions for myself. I am in awe of how she lived her life without compromise.
Thank you for sharing with us and challenging us. I am a better person because of you and Misty. I am looking at life in a new way.
With Love,
Rachel
Out of the mouth of babes….
Children have this incredible way of speaking truth, in it’s simplest form. Children aren’t concerned about how they express the words, or even for that matter if the words spoken, touch a nerve deep down in someone else’s soul. They simply just speak the pure raw truth.
What wisdom little Livi has Darren. The innocence of a child who now possess the reality that her beloved Mommy is now up in heaven.
I’m reminded to embrace those whom I love a little more today. Enjoy the simplest forms of time spent with that certain someone. For those whom we embrace may we always keep those held just that much more closer.
Yesterday I faced a challenge. I had to say goodbye to my youngest son who is now deployed in Iraq. This is round three for me (his older brother has done two tours in Iraq previously).
For some reason, I had difficulty letting him go. Much more then the two other previous times with his older brother. Guess I have been reminded lately to never take a moment with those whom I love for granted.
At least for me, this is now my new reality. I shall hold them that much more closer from this point forward.
~Cindy~
Suck it up and say. It’s the way I live my life; exactly what was on my mind the other dayy.
Amazing how God works
Praise God that He is guiding you through the process, holding your hand and sweet Olivia’s hand. Great is His Faithfulness. Thank you for sharing your experience with God with us!
Love, Prayer, and Blessings directly fron Our Father!
Becky
You and Olivia are never far from my thoughts and my prayers. I thank God for you and this website. You have the gift of encouragement and those of us who come onto your website daily have learned so much from you and will continue to learn because you are commited to the Lord’s work.
As you serve our Lord and Savior may He hold you in the palm of His great hands and minister to your every need.
Joan’s post above says it all..Amen!
Thank you Darren.
thank you, Darren. again, your faith and giving spirit are a gift. I am in tears… and convicted of spirit.
Darlene
Amen to your words of exhortation, Darren. Amen. Olivia benefits each day from your mix of vulnerability and strength in the Lord, even at such a young age. We continue to remember and pray.
Hello Darren, I can say I am a catholic, but do not know if I can call myself a christian. I do try to do the right thing, and am always aware of others emotions and feelings. I have been following LeBlanc Life for a few months now and can honestly say that your words are inspiring, emotional, and beautiful. I do feel that I have started to understand the true sense of believing in God and I thank you for that. You are a special man to not get angry with God, or feel slighted by the cards you were dealt. I wish only happiness for you and Olivia. I look forward to reading about your life’s endeavors and adventures. God Bless -
Bendiciones!! Life is so short!! Thanks for remind us of Ephesian 4:29!!I was there Saturday…I did not have the courage to approach you…you looked so peaceful..I was a mess. I will continue to pray for you and your little girl.
Hi Darren, I have been reading your blog for months. God continues to do something huge here. Thank you for letting Him use you to teach so many that God’s love IS real and relevant. Prayers and blessings…
Very well spoken…. you are an amazing man of God! Your strength amazes me! Beautiful post!
Darren it, funny how you were talking about looking at cards, just the other day i was looking at cards that misty gave me with my son, and i came across a card she gave me when i got Para Professional Of The Year,and misty wrote, thats right your mine congratulation you are the best assistant ever. We would always say to each other you are not going anywere ,I was so lucky to work with her,Istill have storeys for you that you will love, some are even about you. God Bless
HiDarren and Olivia; How beautiful your message is today. Darren God has given you a beautiful blessing having Olivia to help you weather the changes that our occuring in your life at this difficult time.I have been praying for you all and will continue to do so. Peace and Love be with you. Moira
What a wonderful story…the new banner at the top of the page is beautiful. What a gorgeous & peaceful picture…
I have left everyone notes in their lunches for tomorrow. I used to do that all the time, not sure why I stopped. Probably all the normal excuses a person uses. But not tomorrow, they will all find little love notes that tell them why I am privileged and blessed to be their mommy or wife. You are astoundingly right “Just Say It”. Thanks!
Still praying and still believing..
Oh, and I too Love the new banner. It took my breath away. It is truly beautiful.
AND still praying and still believing….
Darren,
Thanks for always challenging us to the next level in our walk with Christ. Praying for you often.
Nicole
Dear Darren,
God has really made you special. Olivia is a blessed little girl.
Love Lavenia
Hi Darren and Olivia,
Thank you so much for this word today. It is a confirmation of what God has said to me many times. Tell others that you love them and do deeds that confirm that love because you don’t know if you will have tomorrow to do it. You are such a blessing to all of us who read your blogs Darren. May God Almighty wrap you in His comforting arms, like a warm blanket. May our Heavenly Father and Lord Jesus Christ hedge you and Olivia in their protection and provision, anointing you with grace and strength by the power of the Holy Spirit. Looking forward to continuing on this journey with you and your family and to continue to be challenged by you to grow and live for the Glory of our Lord.
You and Olivia are ever in my thoughts and prayers,
Bernadette
Good word – for all of us! I love that verse and used to pray it over myself every day… I could probably benefit from starting up again!
Lord, put a guard on my mouth and let me only say things that edify and lift others up and magnify and glorify You!
Praying you get some answers this weekend.
Psalm133:1-3
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers (and sisters), to dwell together in unity! It is like precious oil upon the head, coming down upon the beard, Even Aaron’s beard, coming down upon the edge of his robes. It is like the dew of Hermon coming down upon the mountains of Zion; For there the Lord commanded the blessing-life forever.
Darrin, I wasn’t going to write anything today, because I sometimes feel that what could I or anyone truly say at this time to help? I do know that as the Psalm reads, that we are standing together in unity, and lifting up you and Olivia and your loved ones; and we will continue to stand together, and in this I know that our God is pleased, and that HE is Faithful!
Darren,
Praying for your time with God to be a time of refreshing and filling and amazing peace and answers that will only and can only draw you closer to Him. What amazing plans He has for you and sweet Olivia. You are a testimony to His goodness and grace and tender mercy.
Love, Debra
Just wanted to say that the picture of Misty on the new banner is beautiful.
Dear Darren,
Wednesday night I shared your journey with about 45 kids in my youth group. We are a small church abundantly blessed with many kids. It was as quiet and respectful as I have ever experienced in that room as I read your letters. Though most had never lost a close loved one, it was obvious that they felt this deeply. What I wanted to share is with you is what came from our discussion after. As a group they felt that you Darren have closely walked with the Lord — He has been faithful to you along the path of life, and you have depended on him in your hard times and have learned to trust God with everything. The kids seemed to come to understand that the time to trust God is now — not to wait for trials and tragedy. Because of your devoted walk, you have faith muscles that have developed. God’s presence is so clearly holding you up and together that you bring encouragement and testimony to the rest of us. The peace that doesn’t make sense but is so gracious belongs to you — a gift from the Holy Spirit. Your transparency has awed and inspired us. Thank you for the privilege of walking along side you and sharing your life with us and our kids.
Love,
Kerry Northup