weeknights, weekends & extra hours
November 1, 2008I know yesterday was the first in a while that i didn’t post. Everything is fine, I’m just totally burnt out and needed to sleep. I got home yesterday from AZ in time to walk out the door trick or treating. I didn’t get to be till late, then I woke up early for a photo gig in NYC…then got home for about 3 minutes before taking Olivia to her best friends birthday party tonight (pictures to come). I’m home now and just got Liv to bed. I’m about to collapse and I’m THRILLED that we get an extra hour tonight!!
But I posted about solitude the other day. I’m remembering how much of that i actually get now. Even being so busy all day, I always get time alone, everyday. It a couple hours each night with no one around. It is not refreshing, encouraging or comfortable in anyway though. I just miss my best friend. I miss having someone to decide things with; I miss having someone who was always there and took no effort to connect with. I miss her laugh and smile. Ah, but I still have it pretty good. And any day of the week, I’d take the good years along with the tough times over not ever having her at all. God is still quote good to me. And that isn’t even considering Olvia…who is more than wonderful. I’m not depressed today, no need to comment on how everything will be alright or anything like that (I know that). I’m just noting that my alone times lately are bipolar. A few great times, but mostly not.
Anyway, I wasn’t going to write anything here…not sure how all this came up. I was just going to tell you that I may not post on weekends as much. We get a few less readers and perhaps it will be good. But who knows…I’m kinda addicted to this thing.
ur so tough darren. i dunno if i could do it.
Yo bro I read you everyday .. so don’t you even think of not posting .. you have been an encourgment to many ,, and I believe many as myself may not comment daily but we read you daily .. you have still a lots of wisdom for a young man and you should not stop sharing that wisdom it is a gift many do not have .. I peronally do not post on my blog daily and the reason is so that the message I post may be read by more people before posting a new one .. so all you folks .. brothers and sisters in Christ lets let Darren know that we don’t want to have to come to NJ and make him sit by that PC write agaist his will ..LOL .. post some questings .. I liked it when you got others giving and sharing their views and their opions .. later bro and God bless .. Tbone out
Good morning Darren,
You know I read your posts first thing every morning while listening to my praise and worship music. I start my day with the Lord and you and Olivia and think about the two of you all through the day. Whatever you have to say is always meaningful and precious to those of us who come to your site everyday. While I understand that maybe sometimes you need a day off from writing please know that we enjoy and grow from every word you write even when you think you are writing nothing much.
So take a day off once in a while because we know how busy you are but remember we need to hear from you. You are a blessing to the body of Christ and an encouragement to us. And I loved those little video’s you sent Olivia each day. You know what would be a blessing – if you did some short video’s of you and Olivia once in a while and posted them for us. Her family in Christ would love it.
Have a blessed day and I hope you can find some physical rest this week.
It’s kind of nice to have a place to empty your thoughts out…and it does get kind of addicting. I am sure both the party and the trick or treating were nice. When they are little, everything is so special.
Hey Darren, been praying for you and Liv as always. It is something, I always read your blog, and am always so encouraged by you. I also must have my time alone or I cannot really function. Enjoy that beautiful little one and rest. Much love to you, Gail
Actually the human-ness of our walk here & the stark reality that this life isn’t a daily bowl of cherries even for Christians is worth reading. No apologies ever necessary.
Enjoy the daily visits with you thru all the seasons of life.
I read your blog every day. I’d be so sad if you didn’t write something. Thank you for continuing to share your life with so many.
Your blog keeps me focused on what’s important. Please don’t ever stop. Thank you
I read everyday and rarely comment–sometimes it is just nice to read about other peoples thoughts without actually having any of my own at the time (helps me to concentrate on other people). Thanks for writing as often as you do…it is nice. Continued prayers for you and Olivia–amazingly blessed!!
Please dont skip a day. You inspire me daily!!! I really am very excited to see what plans God has for you and Olivia down the road…I just KNOW ITS BIG!!!!
There you go bro thats the body of Christ I was talking about earlier .. God bless .. Tbone out
Life is so non-stop…doing, thinking….just dont stop doing, so you can keep on sharing your thoughts. Thanks!
Hey man,
I wanted to let you know that even though I don’t get on the internet often I am really glad you post. When I do get on a always find what you have to say to be very valuable. Thank you for sharing. I am glad you might not post on weekends as often though, it makes me think that you are taking the time you need to take care of yourself. I continue to pray for you and Olivia.
adam
Darren, it’s great to hear how you are doing, but if you need breaks from blogging, then i think it’s good to take a break. But I just also want to let you know how inspiring you are. thank you for the journey!
Hey Darren,
I’m praying that your good days outweigh your bad ones.. I also make this one of my daily stops, but if you have to take a few days off, don’t worry, we’ll still be here! Take care of yourself
hehe, I worked you to death huh? =) I’ll take it easy on you next time. Thanks so much again and I’m glad you got the the party on time!!
I can only imagine what those lulls are like in the day.
I read everyday too. You are a breathe of fresh air.
Darren, the other day I wrote this really long response to the Matthew 5:4 post. Somehow, instead of posting – it got lost in cyber space. You received several good comments on the verse. Some of them sound like thoughts & reflections, some sound like they’re based on experience. Mine is a comment based on experience
I don’t pretend to even begin to understand the pain of losing your life partner, chosen by God and hand delivered to you in time. The one you expected to grow old with. But I do begin to understand mourning. I can only assume that at some point in time, you heard that Rebeka’s brother, my first born child, my son Andrew, was killed. It was June 2005. I am a mother who lost a child, a bereaved parent. I understand mourning. I find you stronger than I was. Though I did not blame God, didn’t blame Andrew, wasn’t angry with anyone – neither did I have anything to say to God for oh, probably a year. It has been 3 years now. And for the past two, God has drawn me steadily closer. He is so very faithful.
YES, it is like saying that we are blessed when we lose someone. Some of that blessing is the pain that breaks us and the gentle loving arms of the Heavenly Father who picks up our brokenness and slowly repairs us to our whole being once again. How can you really know that gentle love of God unless He himself has shown it to you? Could any of the reading of his Word have given you the peace of Him holding you when you cry? Oh, you thought you knew the fullness of what His love felt like, but did you? You thought you knew His love and His peace when He settled you at times during Misty’s illness, but look back now. Did you really? Think about it, could you REALLY imagine what it must be like to go through a life event of this magnitude had you not actually experienced it? NO! You are now a different man than you were before the death of your beloved Misty. I am a much different woman now that I have experienced the loss of a child. I can relate to what Misty’s parents feel…but I cannot relate to what you feel.
I can tell you that when Andrew died, I did not want to live. I didn’t want to die I just didn’t want to live. I just wanted to be with Andrew. I have my other children, I have my husband, I have friends and family who loved me – who will always love me – but I didn’t care. I was drowning in grief. I cried. I cried. And I cried more. I cried for months. I even went to counseling one time, just one time, because I thought I was crying too much. The kind counselor said what all my friends and loved ones said…you will cry and grieve for the rest of your life. It’s ok to cry!? I was amazed. Do you know the story of Andrew’s life and death?
I will not go into the details here on a public blog, but I will say this. He was a drug addict, he was a criminal and his death was a result of the way he’d lived his life. There are some who would discount my grief because of that. Some who felt that the world was better off with one less drug addicted criminal…and I? I just knew that my son was dead. His life was over. He’d been born when I was only 19. I had attempted suicide as a teen-I had pretty low self esteem. Andrew was the first step in changing that. His life was a gift from God that gave me hope. His life showed me God’s gifts, God’s love as this small incredible baby loved me unconditionally. His life saved my life…but in the end, I could not do anything to save his. but God did. God took him home to life eternal. I have the bible that my teenage son had written his prayer of salvation in…I have a gift that few parents have. I have confidence that no matter how he lived his life, he IS present with the Lord. I have mourned and I have been blessed.
Yes, Darren, Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. You will be comforted by the LIVING God, Jehovah, the great I AM. He who was and is and forever more will be.
God bless you is rhetorical at this point, yes? But God bless you Darren, He has and He will continue to do so. As you mourn, as you are transformed more closely into the man that God would have you to be you will see, how Greatly You are blessed – in part, because you have mourned…
Darren,
Love reading your blogs everyday! you have so much to share, and you and liv have become such apart of our lives and so many others….
Your Mom and I have so much to share I am so glad she called on me when she did, about Misty, you and Olivia.
We all need breaks and if you do we will all understand, you need you and Olivia time, that is so important! You have inspired so many people I hope and pray that we too have been an inspiration to you.
We all need to pray for one another, that is what it is all about…..
Too love one another…
To share with one another…
to Cry with one and another…
laugh with one another…
keep in the word with one another…
Give him the Glory for all he has done for us each and every day…
God Bless Darren
Love,
Pam and Family
Hello Darren,
Just wanted to let you know that I truly enjoy reading your posts, whether it is first thing in the morning or late in the evening after I’ve put my son to bed. Your stories and posts have been both inspiring and valuable. Continuing to pray for you, Olivia, and your families.
XOXOXO,
Tracey
Darren,
I think of you and Olivia and pray for you often.
Your strength amazes me! After loosing my husband I thought I was pretty strong and held up pretty well- but seeing your strength is so encouraging to me.
I know exactly how you feel when you say that you miss her smile, her laugh, having someone there to make decisions with- I miss that every day and its almost been a year since I lost my best friend. I wish I could tell you that feeling goes away, but sometimes it feels like it never will.
The thing that gets me through every time I really start to miss my husband is knowing that he’s with Jesus and smiling- knowing that he is not in the pain he was in here on earth. I’m sure him and Misty are praising our Lord together