saying goodbye
January 1, 2009Tonight seems like a bit quieter than many new years eve’s. The big 2008 seemed to just retreat quietly without as much attention as usual. In light of that…there is something I’m finally bringing myself to write about. It’s not a theological discussion, so let’s stay away from that…just something that is on my heart often.
We all know that I think the world of my Misty. She was an extraordinary woman…for many reasons. And one of those reasons is that she was amazingly discerning. She always knew things that other people didn’t pick up on. She seemed to have perhaps a sixth sense, if you will, about many things in life.
In the final few weeks of Misty’s life, she began to act differently. She would run her hand down the back of my neck, more affectionately than usual. She would make eye contact for longer as if she wanted to say something, but the words weren’t there. And she would sit and watch so intently as Olivia would play. It was as if she were drinking in every moment…cherishing every smile and every laugh.
When we were in the hospital that first day of her last stay there, she was in and out of consciousness all day. When she was awake, she wasn’t able to do much…but she rubbed my hand. She held my hand and moved her fingers around as best as she could. A couple times during the day and during the night she’d wake and rub her hand on mine for as long as she was awake. The next morning she went into a seizure and came out in a coma. Her hand rubbing that night was the last communication I got from my best friend.
I didn’t know it then, but I believe she was saying goodbye – all those last few weeks, just saying goodbye. I believe she was saying that she knew it was time and that I shouldn’t worry. It seems clear now. I remember that she tried to tell me she knew she was going to die – it was only a few weeks earlier and she wanted me to guess at what she was thinking (she couldn’t talk at all) and that is where we ended up. I basically ignored that and told her we were believing God for a miracle. But she was a step ahead of me. She trusted God so intimately that she was ready for whatever was next. She wasn’t stuck on needing to be on this earth anymore..she was ready to be used by God in whatever capacity he chose…whether in life or in death. It was the extension of that faith that stirred so many of our hearts.
So, as we quietly say goodbye to 2008, I can’t help but remember another goodbye of 2008. A parting that, unlike this evening’s expected calendar change, cannot be characterized as quiet, expected or usual. As Misty slipped away, she wasn’t able to physically say anything at all, but her life spoke so loudly and served as an example for many. She is missed tonight and every night of the year, but I’m so thankful for the years I did have with her and for the legacy of faith she has left for me, for Olivia, and for many of you.
I never even had the honor of meeting Misty beyond your beautiful writings of her, but her legacy of faith will be something I will carry always. God bless you and Olivia this year. So excited to see the future that God has in store for her. If she’s anything like her mom, which I’m sure she is, she’s got quite a magnificent future ahead of her.
You and Misty had something so special – still have for that matter. I know you said she didn’t speak near the end, communicated by touching you in some way – well she is still speaking to your heart Darren. The two of you had something very very special. In the too short of a time you were together you had more then some people have in a lifetime together. I agree with what Corrine (above) said too but I go one step further – if Olivia is anything like her mother and father (too) she has a magnificent future ahead of her.
Oh and by the way her newly decorated room is beautiful. Olivia is a very lucky little girl.
I wish you a new year filled with God’s love and blessings and your beautiful memories.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart, Darren.
I look forward to reading about what God has planned for you this year.
I love hearing from your heart. Once again, you brought tears to my eyes. Your testimony puts things into perspective for me. I can’t wait to run into her in heaven!
Darren , WOW you are so awesome in your writings..My heart is truely touched by your writing….It amazes me how some people can write so perfectly and others like myself lack in things wanting to say – Just want you to know I love your heart and wisdom…being a great dad..
Hello Darren, My prayer for you very early this morning and your beautiful little one is for God’s favor and for you to continue to be used,in this New Year, as you already have to make a difference in someone’s life. Your wife made a difference and even now God reveals such an awesome love that He used through her to you and ultimately to all of us. May the “readers” see Him through it. Thank you once again. Much love to you, Gail Also a note for Emma, still lifting you up as well and praying you will be touched with a full recovery and that you would feel the Saviors love that is spoken of by Darren.
Darren, Thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us! I really appreciate you and eventhough I never knew Misty she has touched my life with her faith in huge ways.
this wrecked me…
may your walk thru the valley of baca become a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessing collect after the rain. (ps. 84:6)
prayin for you!
Beautiful.
How beautiful. I am sitting here in tears.
Wow. That’s all I can say. Wow.
Happy New Year!! =)
Darren,
Thank you.
Beautiful. Your love is amazing.
That was one of my favorite posts you have written yet. I am speechless with tears.
What an inspiration Misty was and what a legacy she left. Absolutely beautiful.
Continue to share such things with Olivia and be the wonderful example that you have been to her. You are doing a great job.
You are truly an amazing person. What a beautiful post.
What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful wife and mother. She would be so proud of how you continue to stand in Him and on faith and continue to carry out that legacy in your life and with Olivia. Glory to God!
Once again, I can’t say enough how sorry I am that your best friend had to leave. It is painful to think about your situation because I always try not to think about what would happen to me if the same happened. Your courage and faith are inspiring. May God heal you completely as He has healed Misty. Happy New Year to you and yours.
Thank You
I am choking back the tears right now. Thank you for sharing the deeps special moments. I can only imagine that saying good bye to 2008 is hard to do.
A “legacy of faith”, Misty accomplished the ultimate.
Hey, Darren. Miss you guys. I miss Misty, too…very much. Dawn made me a scrapbook page and framed it–of Misty and the boys laughing. She put a quote on it by Maya Angelou that was Misty to a T.
“The best part of life
is not just surviving, but thriving–
with passion and compassion,
and humor and style,
and generosity and kindness.”
God bless and keep you and Olivia this year and forever.
Ang
WOW…Darren thank you so much. I am sitting here in Pastor Timm’s office crying. Misty will forever be in our hearts, as will you and Olivia as well as our prayers. I love you brother. God Bless.
Happy New Year! Though you may not feel like it, you and Misty have been an inspiration to all of us! God Bless.
Darren, I hardly know what to type… other than: This is a beautiful post, and you are a gifted and blessed person.
Wow is all I can say. Although I have never met you or your Misty just wanted you to know how much this blog means to me and how much you’ve touched me with your words. Hope you have a Happy New Year Darren and Olivia!
Darren,
I too have lost a spouse and know how difficult the holidays can be. Wish I could say it gets easier.
You will be in my prayers.