Back to the day Misty died…
April 12, 2009If you have been around much at all you know of my Misty. Her life continues to impact me profoundly. But there is a small piece of this story that I have not yet told…none of you have heard this. I want to reach back half a year to the last day of our stay in the ICU at Monmouth Medical Center. I remember our room so vividly. I can feel the air blowing up from the vent on my back as I lean to rest from standing by her side. I can feel the texture of the ropes holding the tube in misty’s mouth…the tube that kept her breathing. I can remember the computer screen that we watched as her vitals slowly got worse each day. I can still feel her swollen cheek pressed against my lips and the softness of her hair growing back after we had stopped chemo. By all accounts, there was no hope. By worldly standards, there was nothing to find joy in. Yet, in the midst of that place…in the middle of the end, there was incredible peace. I still can’t qualify it, but I want to read you a note that I got from Misty’s best friend Ann:
Just wanted to tell you one of my observations and something that I will never forget. There was a great sense of Peace all around Misty those last months. Because of your focus on God, listening to Scripture, worship and prayer time, your house seemed to be covered in a great big blanket of peace. I experienced this most especially those final days in the hospital. I spent those days praying, reading the Bible, and worshiping with nearly every waking moment, but I still felt anxious and worried…Until I stepped into Misty’s room in the ICU. There…was peace.
But the peace isn’t what I want to write about today. I want to write about the source of the peace. See, those last months, Misty gave up fighting an earthly battle. I’m not saying she gave up – by no means. She gave up the earthly battle and took on a spiritual one. She began to run after God in a new way. In her pursuit, she found a peace that covered us. But let’s go back to that hospital room for a moment.
Misty’s brain had stopped working and we legally had to stop the life support. Accordingly, I had asked the doctor to pull her off the breathing machine…and he did. Misty’s heart began to beat more slowly…and more slowly still. But there was a song in the room. I am not speaking figuratively; this was a song that filled the silence between the beeps of the monitors and the quiet last prayers I uttered. The CD we were listening to had come to a song called “Running” by Klaus. Its words, I will never forget. (Click HERE to listen to the song)
I hear the voice, the voice of the one I love, He’s calling my name. I hear the voice, the voice of the one I love, He’s calling my name. He’s saying “Come up higher; you’ll hear the angels sing, come up higher my beloved. Come up higher and leave this world behind, you’ll find me to be beautiful…”
I am running, I am running after You, You’ve become my soul’s delight. I am running, I am running after You, here with You I find my life.
I didn’t plan that. I didn’t pick the CD because of those lyrics…in fact, I hadn’t even listened to them all that closely before. This was just a little gift from God that helped me find peace in the midst of this (there are others I might choose to share some day). But there, that night, my best friend died. She left us to the voice of Jesus calling her home.
Six months later and I’m literally sitting here on my couch holding a piece of that rope that I had taken off Misty’s face. It’s Easter, and as I think of how Jesus ran after our hearts, I’m remembering how Misty ran after Him. She trusted him like I’ve never seen anyone trust. That place that she got to is a place of glory I can only hope of reaching. And while my heart still breaks at the thought of not having her…I can’t help but smile at who she became…at the legacy she left for our daughter. That legacy is why there is still peace today for me.
Oh, one more thing. Three different people told me that the female voice on that song sounded like Misty. None of them knew what I’m telling you right now but they just heard the song and thought it sounded like Misty…and all approached me at different times. (Just another little gift)
Goodnight Misty. Happy Easter.
Beautiful. Just beautiful. Happy Easter, Darren. I hope Olivia enjoyed the Easter Bunny
I still can’t listen to that song without crying or missing her. Love you, Darren.
It was so good to see you and Olivia this morning. Misty continues to inspire us through your writings. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with all of us. You are truly a blessing.
May each of your days be blessed with memories of your beautiful wife and best friend – like kisses from God.
Because He lives – Misty lives on forever.
I am moved beyond words. Beautiful words, beautiful pic, just beautiful. May you be wrapped in God’s arms today, along with Olivia. Hugs.
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful piece of your heart.
such a beautiful post, thank you thank you.
I just listened to the song. Wow. How beautiful and powerful…and to know it was playing as Misty ran to Jesus.
It just gives me goosebumps.
As I’ve said before, thank you for sharing your heart and your wife with us. You are a blessing.
Thank you for sharing that beautiful gift! God truly is amazing – and He loves us – oh, how he loves us!
Happy Easter Darren and Olivia!!
Thank you Darren, that was so beautifully said and such an encouragement. I know that peace, when my mom went home, I was carrying Rachel and I remember that amazing peace that carried me through that time and many times since. You have blessed me so many times with your words about your lovely wife and the Lord. Just this morning I was thinking back on your sermon on Extravagent Love and I thought of you both before I came on your site. God Bless you and Olivia, Love Gail
Awesome and amazing post. I am going online right now and ordering that song- just loved it!!! In Gods love-
Thanks for sharing that beautiful gift. God is in control of every single detail. That is how much He loves us.
I have been following your story and blog for a while now. This post really hit home. You are truly opening up peoples minds and hearts.
I wish you and your lovely Olivia, health, happiness and peace to accept the unacceptable, and enjoy the blessings bestowed upon you.
Thank you – I needed to hear that
ps I just love love love those little clips of Miss Olivia – she is a living doll
Incredible post.
Oh, there is hardly any words that I can humanly say about what I just read. It is almost as if I could just bust out with spiritual tongs. Thank you so much for these precious moments. Happy belated Easter to you and Livi! Love you, Valerie
Thank you so much for sharing your heart. What a beautiful post and song. May God continue to use you in a big big way.
Sweet blessings to you and Olivia!
Thank you.
I love you Darren, and I miss Misty with you!I thank the Father that he gave you such peace and that peace still remains and rest on you, Olivia and all your family.
Love Lavenia
I have you on my list of “Why we Need to Tell Them” at http://www.tellthemtuesday.blogspot.com
You are a blessing to me, strangers on this earth, family in Christ.
i love you. a lot.
What a blessing she is still today.Praying for your family
Thank you for sharing that Darren.
I cannot begin to express how beautiful your words are .
There was such a beautiful peace in that room, Darren. I’ve never experienced anything like that since. It’s so rarely such a beautiful peaceful time like you had during those last few days in ICU. Thanks for being such a testimony.
Hello Darren!!
I am finally catching up on the sight after being away on vacation. I am so touched on this post and do believe that the voice in the song sounds identical to Misty’s, what a beautiful song. God bless you and that little princess of yours!!!