A Missing Mommy Mothers Day
May 11, 2009If I were to be honest, I’d have to confess that this has not been my best week. And while this blog hasn’t been the gut-spilling venue that it was this time last year, I am still very much compelled to present the naked truth, as I call it. So I will.
I have been depressed for a few days. I got back from vacation with Olivia late Tuesday night and started work Wednesday morning. These past three days have been perhaps the least productive days of my recent few years. I would stare at my computer in work just wishing the day were over (this started at about 10am)….and I have no energy to stay up past Olivia’s bedtime to work on anything else, like Anthem of Hope. I would prefer McDonald’s to just about anything under the sun, except chocolate (yes, I eat my feelings as well). Now, there is nothing anyone can do here….I’m not looking for anything. I’m really just making sure it is clear that I’m not superman. Sometimes I get accused of that…or at least of playing him on a blog. And for the record, if this continued I’d see a counselor, as I recommend any of us should. BUT, its not, I’m fine today 
Well, mostly fine. I’m not depressed….but I do miss Misty. And contrary to popular belief it has nothing to do with Mothers Day, or anything else. It’s just been 8 months since I held my best friend in my arms. And a handful of months more since she was well enough to reciprocate much affection back to me. I just burn to be with her.
Today however, was really lovely. I did get to visit my mother and my mother-in-law (both of whom, I am unable to imagine life now without – they are huge parts of day to day life with Olivia – Happy Mothers Day!!), but Liv and I also took a trip over to Monmouth Memorial Park to visit Misty…or her grave, however you prefer. Misty’s life was a fairly unique journey and I think her funeral/memorial service was quite unique as well. In keeping with that, I really wanted to make her cemetery marker equally unique so I searched for months to find the right place to have it custom made. I’m pretty happy with the way it came out. Olivia was happy to see Mommy’s picture on the stone and she got down to touch her face when we first got there. I asked her if she wanted to say anything to Mommy:
“We miss you Mommy”
“I miss you so much”
“I love you, Mommy”
then, turning to me…
“Mommy’s not sick anymore…she’s happy”
Yes, yes she is my dear.
If you want to visit the photo gallery, click HERE or click the picture below.
Lastly, I also have to wish a Happy Mothers Day to Ann Parker…who with my mom and my mother-in-law share responsibilities for watching Olivia when I’m at work. I’m so incredible blessed to have 3 women/mothers that I trust with my life being part of Olivia’s life each week.
PS: mistyleblanc.com isn’t made yet….but someday it will be.
Darren:
I have followed your story for well over a year now, and it is amazing to see what God continues to do in your life and family. Thank you for sharing such a private moment with your readers… truly vulnerable. I’ve found that in grief, it helps to give people a glimpse into what you feel, and you did that perfectly without having to say much at all. Said a prayer for you tonight.
Misty’s grave marker is beautiful! I LOVE that her picture is on it. We love you and are praying for you. I’m glad you are feeling better! We will see you this summer when we come to visit!
Thank you so much for you “naked truth”. Misty’s grave marker is beautiful. I am praying for you and your family, you are doing an excellent job raising Olivia with the help of your friends and family, I’m sure Misty is smiling down on you now:). Peace Darren, be still.
Dearest Darren & Olivia, How beautiful. With a tear and a smile I read this today. A tear of sadness for your loss of true love, A smile because of that love that transcends time , life and death. I am touched how you keep that love alive with Olivia.. I love how Olivia knows, even in tragedy , Love is alive. A form of Christ’s love which is alive even through death. I believe that she will grow up with that love from her Mother because it will never die. Olivia is blessed through this because you are choosing the path of love and grace for her. It is a wonderful gift you will give her. She will know from a small child that death is only a moving on to great glory. She will know that it is sad, but the Hope we all have is real. She knows her Mom’s love is as alive now as it was than. She will know that Her MOm is with Christ. And that He is keeping her safe and well now till you all meet again. With much love and prayers…. Dawn
Gorgeous marker, flowers and pictures. You did a fantastic job. Looking at Olivia in those pictures just welled up tears, no child should have to visit mommy at the cemetary. Im thankful you are passed your time of depression and even more thankful you realize that if it went on you would need to talk to someone….you are a wise man Darren and that clearly comes from Christ!!
Beautiful. I am so glad that God has worked and weaved in such a way to allow your wonderful support team.
It is a beautiful marker. Excellent choice.
We love you Darren.
Cris and Chuck
I was 3 when I lost my mother to cancer. I remember visiting her grave as a child and “playing” around a little as it looks like Olivia was doing in pictures from this day. There are always ducks at the pond in her cemetery too- and I am still sometimes tempted to bring bread to feed them. I love to follow your story, although you don’t know me… it is a blessing.
This made me sad but happy too. Like the strange way you feel at a cemetery.
Thanks for your openness.
Hello,
I have been reading your blog for several months now and haven’t left a comment…OH NO..A LURKER..LOL.
I am so amazed at your strength and faith. It radiates through your words and pictures. I have loved reading about Misty and her life..what an impact she made in the time here on earth.
Olivia is such a doll and just so sweet to look at. I absolutely love the pictures of her and the boxer in CA. They are just precious. Thank you for sharing these wonderful moments with all of us.
I keep you all in my prayers…
Ooops..I forgot to add something..
The pictures at Misty’s grave were absolutely beautiful!
Thanks for being so honest Darren. I am praying for you both – can’t imagine what it all must feel like.
Beautiful, heart-breaking pictures.
Beautiful – and all that is wrapped up in that one word.
Thank you for being so transparent with your life.
You are a blessing to your daughter – she will thrive as you continue to raise her in the love, grace, and truth of the Lord.
I LOVE Misty’s headstone! Your taste is exquisite. It is gorgeous – just like her. : )
Good Morning Darren,
Oh it’s hard for you to bear this burden. When you feel like this, being honest helps others to carry you through with prayers and comfort. Thanks for your transparency!! I pray you are comforted today!!
Lately I have been dealing with some pretty serious health issues and other things things that feel like insurmountable pressures and obstacles.
It’s funny, back in September I didn’t view God as I do now. I was bitter with Him for taking Misty and not healing her, much like I have been angry for the loss of my mother from the same exact condition as your bride.
But as I have read this blog and check frequently for your updates, what God has done in your life.. and what you’ve allowed him to do has SO been a witness to me. To not go to the dark place of bitterness and anger, but to ask Jesus Christ for daily rescue. And lately, EVERY TIME I ask for His help, He delivers me. Your story has given me strength. So though you are missing your lady, and sad (which could just be plain old sadness and not depression) and my heart aches for the emptiness that I can sympathize with.. just know that your perseverance has done MUCH for others. Including me, a stubborn little stiffnecked New Jerseyan Isrealite.
Be encouraged today.
i prayed for you on mother’s day, and for the ability to find a measure in joy in today as you honor not only your own mother and MIL, but also misty. i loved how you spent part of your day with her and how you are treasuring the memory of your sweet wife. your transparency through all of this has been heartrending, to be sure, but i have been so blessed by your story. it is my honor to pray for you and your gorgeous daughter. so loved by her mommy, and so treasured by her daddy. love is the divine gift.
I love that you are open and honest. That is what makes you so absolutely amazing.
The headstone is beautiful.
Olivia’s words made me cry.
Love you.
Thank you for sharing such beautiful private moments. My heart breaks every time I think of how much Miss Olivia misses her mommy. The two of you are such beautiful souls. Your love sure does shine. God bless you both.
Praying for you Darren…..love you man! Thanks for sharing your day.
Hope for you and a “vision” that will give you and your daughter excitement for this year. In Christ, your new friend.
Those pictures take my breath away, Darren. What a beautiful thing for you and Olivia to be able to gaze at Misty’s face with quiet relection. Our hearts ache for you and Olivia as you long for your Misty. We will be praying for comfort and continued strength for you. You have our love. Josh & Katy
praying for you. thank you for sharing your heart in truth, Darren.