a missing blog entry (part 3)

July 13, 2009

(did you miss part 1, or part 2?)

On our way to the convention center where the meetings were held, we decided it might be good for us to try to get a hotel closer to the event so Misty could easily go back and rest. We we’re not particularly hopeful that we’d find one though, as the revival meetings were drawing quite a crowd from all over the world at this point. Approaching the convention hall we found only one hotel really close by; the Hyatt. I was sure they wouldn’t have vacancies, but Megan insisted on calling. She waited a few minutes to get someone, but before too long she was telephonically engaged with this nice young man named Peter. Deciding to shoot for the stars Meg threw in a couple special requests, like getting rooms close to the elevator. A few minutes on hold and Peter was back…he had reserved two rooms for us, both were right next to the elevator.

Timm and I left the girls in the car and went in to check in. We were greeted by a knowledgeable college age girl.

“Hi, we have reservations for two rooms. Under LeBlanc / Ziegler”
“I’m sorry, I don’t have you listed here, and we are sold out”
“Hmm, but we just talked to someone on the phone who booked two rooms for us…his name was Peter”
“Peter?” she said slightly perplexed. “There is no Peter here. In fact, there are no guys at all working tonight in the front desk or anywhere that would have answered the phone. Are you sure you called this hotel”

We went back and forth in vain for a few minutes trying to solve the mystery of this unknown Peter and his gracious facilitation of our reservation. Finally, we just asked her to check one more time.

“Oh, look at that…your reservation is there now. There must have been a cancellation because as of this morning we had no vacancies. And I have no idea why it didn’t show up before. Oh well!”

She gave us the keys and her well wishes and we were on our way.

Before getting to the hotel we had done a quick drive-by and didn’t see anyone outside at the convention center. So we figured, we’d have plenty of time to let Misty take a nap before wandering over there. We did however want to get some seats up close, so Timm and I went over to scope things out an hour or so later. I mean, we flew a few hours to be there and didn’t want to get stuck in the back with no chance of being prayed for. This whole thing was hard for me to swallow, but when I read the Bible I saw examples like the guys that cut a hole in the ceiling to lower their friend down into where Jesus would pray for him. It was hard because I’m always inclined to say, “God can heal me in FL or NJ” – and while that is true, it is also true that he has used certain people of faith and has given certain gifts of healing. So I swallowed the pride; we went to secure our place in line.

We get to the front doors and let ourselves in. Surprised to find them unlocked (and with no crowd) we wandered around for a staff member. A young man assured us that we were in the right place and that we were first on line. In the corner of my eye I saw a back door with some people sitting just on the other side. A closer inspection revealed over 1000 people lined up outside this entrance, waiting to get in. The young man informed us that the doors had been open for an hour but no one came in…they just built a line no realizing the door was open. So in an incredibly unusual series of events, and at the direction of the hotel staff, Timm and I found ourselves at the front of a very long line.

I left him there to go back and check on Misty. Megan had stayed with her as she napped. I didn’t even like to leave her there for a few minutes without me….things were just moving quickly and I was scared to not be with her. Since we arrived, I had been totally stressed about how I was going to handle my Monday morning meeting…I really didn’t want to leave her for a few hours. Well, as I sat in the hotel room I got an email on my blackberry telling me that the meeting of VIPs that I was in FL to support was just cancelled. Never in my career have I had a meeting cancelled after already traveling for it…but this time it was, and it was a very welcome change.

Shortly before the meeting starts, Meg and I pushed Misty down to meet up with Timm…who was still holding our place in line. Upon arrival to our prominent spot in the line, we found myriad vulture-like people descending upon Misty. Seriously, strange people were coming out of the woodwork to lay there hands on her and give their prayer. I am speculating here, but it seemed to me that the majority of these people were emotionally needy and almost fed on experiences like this; like they preyed on people that looked totally helpless to fulfill some inner needs of their own. Now, please don’t be offended by this…not everyone who prays for people should feel this is directed toward them. I myself have prayed for healing for many people and I feel that I’m pretty emotionally stable. I’m really just highlighting this specific experience…these specific Todd Bentley followers. After a few people, I began to turn them away. There were a few people that were genuine, but I didn’t feel that was the majority. I want to be very clear though…I don’t care a bit about these people. I believe it’s totally possible to have a real experience from God, yet have humans that are screwing it up. The inadequacies of people do not in any way negate the greatness of God. So these people were distracting and frustrating…but my opinion of the day is not built around them.

Inside the room we found quite a production. The vultures continued to descend and the music flooded the room as we took our seats close to the front, but on the side where it was easier to move the wheelchair. We sang and prayed. We did our best to trust God intimately, and look to him. It wasn’t 20 minutes in before Misty tried to tell me something. After a while of guessing I learned that she was basically saying that she trusted God for healing, but it wasn’t going to happen at that place or that night. Misty had always been incredibly discerning. She could pick things up that most of us miss. I should have just trusted her…

I was getting discouraged as people were coming up front claiming to have been healed from various things. Todd quoted a few verses, but 99% of the service was comprised of 3 things: Todd telling us about himself and his experiences with Jesus actually visiting him, Todd telling us about people God healed through him, and Todd bringing up people from the crowd to share stories of healing.

The service was getting a little old for Misty as well, so we decided to go outside. As we sat outside an old friend of mine rounded the corner to visit the bathroom. Nancy Balina is the mother of a girl Melanie who I had in youth group in NJ…Misty and I loved them. Well, there was Nancy with this bubbling passion and excitement for Misty to get prayed for. Seeing her was good; somewhat of an encouragement. Just as we were almost convinced to head back in, we hear Todd ask for all that have terminal illness…especially mothers (it was Mother’s Day). So we move quickly from outside and right up to the front where we joined the line. Timm and Meg were back with us, and now Nancy and George joined the pack.

I picked up Misty from the wheelchair and carried her over to the stage where we were well positioned to get prayed for. There was a young lady who took our name and basically put us in an order to get up on the stage. It was a bit strange, but I’m ok with order. The man in front of me had stage IV cancer as well…I don’t remember what type, but he looked terrible. My heart was breaking for him as he could barely get up the stairs. I remember wondering why these hurting people had to go up onstage to get prayed for. I also remember feeling like Todd was so rough with people…people that were hurting. If I were representing Jesus, I’d imagine hugging people; telling them they are loved; taking their hand and praying for them. I don’t recall observing any affection.

Another lady, one more of Bentley’s facilitators, waved to us as it was our turn. I held Misty’s hand supporting her as we shuffled out onto the cold stage with lights blaring and this fireball of a preacher asking her what was wrong with her. I spoke because she couldn’t. The actual words and movements of those few seconds are a blur. Here is what I do remember though. I remember feeling like he didn’t really care about her story…she was just one more potential success story. I remember being all too aware that there was a video camera (or 3) staring me in the face and broadcasting to millions of people across the world. I remember him uttering a few inconsequential words and pushing her head down – she fell backwards into my arms. I remember her face as I looked down to her…her eyes told all the story that I needed. She was let down. There was nothing there…no feeling of God, no inkling of any healing, not even any love from this purported great man of God. I sit here writing this at 2am on a Sunday night crying because I can see that look of disappointment in her face so clearly. It’s burned in me. (Her disappointment didn’t last for ever though.)

I sat there for a few seconds and Todd’s people began to rush me off the stage. I couldn’t even believe it. I felt no love, no compassion. It felt like a big show. Everything was about the lights and the camera. After we were so instructed to get off the stage, someone out back with a notebook asked us what was wrong with Misty and if she felt anything…like tingling on the spot of the cancer or something like that.  It was quick, quick, quick, had to get our info down so the next person could get through the assembly line.

We went back to our seats and after a short while headed back to the hotel. As Misty lay in the bed sleeping I sat and thought for some time. I believe if I have ever experienced a clashing in the spirit realm, it was in that room as I sat and held the limp hand of my sleeping wife. I understand how weird this topic is, but if we believe in God, we must also believe in Angels, and Demons. All I know is that I was scared for no logical reason and I literally fell asleep repeating the name “Jesus”.

The next day found us up early and off to the airport. The journey back home Misty didn’t even want to get out of the wheelchair. She had left home the day before walking (with my help) and now she had no desire to even get up. Her body had significantly deteriorated in just those 24 hours.

Shortly after the trip we learned that Todd had been cheating on his wife with one of his “ministry” staff.

I can understand if you have some questions: So why did we go at all? What good came from it? And why did God seemingly piece things together to go somewhere when she wouldn’t be healed? So many components just worked out…and they worked out so we could be prayed for on national television by a man who was sleeping with his assistant. Doesn’t add up, right?

Well, I agree that it doesn’t all add up. I haven’t been able to figure out the “Why” questions associated with this one. BUT, I’m not upset that we went. When I sat in the airport and had to decide to fly or go home and I was terrified as to whether or Misty would even make the flight alive…I heard from God in the clearest message I’d ever heard in my life. Not an audible voice, but something pressed on my so strongly I couldn’t escape it. The message was that I could either continue to rely on doctors, or to step out in faith. So we stepped out. I don’t know what good came from that step of faith, but I have to trust some did…somewhere.

Yes, we left that trip disappointed, but it was only a few weeks later when Misty and I took that leap of faith even  more distinctly; when we started reading the Bible not just everyday, but all day; when we began to worship and study throughout the waking hours. Our faith was built and that was the beginning of the beautiful, incredibly joyous time we had in the midst of hell.

Again, I don’t have many answers tonight, just an interesting totally true story and a promise for you that I still serve God, even when I don’t understand it. In fact, it’s almost BECAUSE I don’t understand him that I serve him. If I had God all figured out, he wouldn’t be much of a God.

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