Dear Misty
September 23, 2009Dear Misty,
My pen somewhat betrays me tonight. My heart overflows with words, but none seem to express the gravity with which my heart is burdened. I have wrestled with searching for perfect eloquence in my words here, but I am afraid I’ll fail miserably. I know you don’t care though about eloquence…Thanks for always loving me through my strengths and my weaknesses. So after hours of a blank page…I’m going to just write.
In fact, “Thanks” is basically what I need to say here. Let’s start with thanks for being my best friend for 13 years. You walked with me through everything and you never once turned your back on me. The dedication with which you loved me and eventually Olivia was absolutely astonishing. Thanks for putting up with me and even loving me when I put other things (like ministry) in front of our relationship. You were so gracious.
Thanks for sharing everything with me, keeping our relationship so open and healthy. For making me talk about issues even when my weakness had me wanting to simply fall asleep and deal with it another day. You taught me what healthy communication is. I’m still getting better at this and I remember your example often.
Thanks for being strong enough and wise enough to speak into my life and to sharpen me through the years. I loved how you were so discerning and full of wisdom. I have few people in my life who are always honest with me and challenge me. You were always that.
Thanks for holding onto your faith until the end. I still talk of how you looked at the face of death and barely blinked. Your turned your eyes to Jesus and focused on him through absolutely devastating circumstances. Just this week I was telling the story of how I approached you with news from the doctor that he thought you only had 2 weeks to live. I can see it like it was yesterday. You cried one tear and looked up staring me in the eye. “You’re just trusting God?” I timidly asked…and you nodded in affirmation. Your strength and faith in God was astounding.
I wish you could read the emails and letters I have from hundreds of people across this globe. Stories of radical transformation in lives and in families as people turned to Jesus because of the example of faith that you set. Stories upon stories of lives changed and relationships restored. You are a hero to thousands. I wish you could know how over 10,000 people a day were reading your story on our blog. Your life has been such an influence…but not just to the blog world; also to our family. Those closest to us are changed forever and I believe for the better. Not the least of which is me. I’m sitting here in a pool of tears because I know there is no way that I can repay you for what you have given to me. You helped shape my faith and my life….and you did it willingly, even when it took you through incredible suffering. I have nothing to even come close to expressing my humility here. I’m so incredibly sorry for what you went through. How you willingly, not voluntarily, but willingly walked into the arms of Jesus still trusting him. I’m brokenhearted today…not for my loss, but because someone I love so greatly paid such a steep price for the benefit of so many. Many you don’t even know.
Before I go I have to tell you a little about what’s going on…
Olivia and I talk about you often. Lately, she has been making up stories about how Mommy comes down from Heaven and plays with her or watches her sleep and then goes back. She misses you. She misses you but I can’t even explain how incredible she is. She is sensitive, loving, smart and already pretty darn funny. She is exactly like you. Thank you for giving her to me. I will never drop the ball on caring for her. She has my heart.
Things with Anthem of Hope are going well. The first CD is almost done and we decided to do a journal that goes with it (which is totally written, just working on the layout). I had hoped to have it out by the end of summer…but you know how I get a little over ambitious. I’m working on that. We are only a few weeks away from finishing the AoH recording studio we just built. It’s totally pro and we should be started on the Worship CD pretty soon.
I kinda have some big news too. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be heading to seminary. The mantle that God has put on me with Anthem of Hope is really stretching me to get smart about the Bible. For me to do this right I feel like I have to go get a serious seminary degree. Not sure of the details on that yet…but I’m pretty sure its coming.
I’m doing well Mist. This year has been pretty rough at times, but I feel like God has been carrying me. In fact, just this week I sat in my office and cried for 20 minutes during lunch as I listened to a Leeland song. Here is the first few words:
Carry Me on Your Back
Even heroes fall down
And mountains won’t last forever
But Your promise never failsWhen the ocean is raging
I find stillness in Your presence
And I lift my voice to say
‘Jesus take me away![CHORUS]
Carry me on your back
Through the storm, Lord!
Carry me on your back
Through the storm, Lord!
Seriously, you should get it on iTunes. Well worth it.
I want you to know that Olivia and I are happy. She is my highest priority and I am doing the best I can with her. I think we are doing well. Mist, God is really healing my heart. A month or two ago, God took away the loneliness that had bound me for months after you left. It was like he overnight replaced it with a fulfillment in him. Things are good now. I have been reading the Bible and praying more than ever in my life. I feel like I hear from God and I’m walking in his plan.
I’m so sorry for not posting your index cards online. It was hard for me at first to do those and I let it slip through the cracks. I have no real excuse for this and I’m kinda ashamed I let it slip. There are lots of people who could have benefited from these. I’m not going to throw in the towel though. I have been working this week on http://mistyleblanc.com and I intend to launch it in the near future. I’m excited about it.
I still have the bottle of anointing oil we always used in our house to pray for you. With it remain burning questions of why God didn’t seem to live up to his word. (i.e. James 5:14-15) I’m not through with that. Like I said, I’m planning a 3 year excursion to Seminary where I can wrestle with God and hopefully draw closer to an understanding of the Bible and what it says about what you walked through. I’m somewhat intimidated to do this….I know it’s right though.
Anyway, it’s almost 4am and you’d be yelling at me to get to bed. So I’m gonna do that. I have to recap something though: I want to say this so clearly and loudly…I am who I am, the man, the father, the leader, the Christian, the servant…I am that because of you. God has used you to make me radically different than what I would have been without you. I owe you a debt that I cannot repay. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I esteem you so highly…
love,
Darren
Darren,
Thank you for posting your faith journey through Misty’s illness and journey to live in Jesus’ arms. Through Misty and her faith you have model humility, peace, gratitude, surrender, trust and most of all love.
Thank you for pointing the way to live with faith through difficult times.
Sincerely,
Molly
Darren,
It was almost a year ago that I came across your story at work and uncontrollably wept tears on my desk. Ever since then, I have “checked up” on you, if you will, reading your latest blog entries, wondering how you and Olivia are doing. As a complete stranger, I feel like I’ve passively intruded on your life, but yet, you’ve given me something, whether you know it or not. How you speak of yours and Misty’s faith in God is astounding. To you, it’s what you already believe in, to me, it’s helped inspire me to reach out to the Lord more than ever before. For that, I thank you and Misty.
Kristin
I have all the faith in the world in you.
Thanks for sharing your heart in words. I didn’t know Misty, but your words of gratitude make me wish I had. This year has been a tremendous testimony of God’s grace in your life. You continue to be a Godly example to others! Darren, I know you know: God has a plan for your life and the closer you get to Him in His Word, the more you will understand. Seminary sounds like a good direction, where? Myke and I would like to see that studio!
Darren,
This is the most beautiful love letter I have ever read. I am thanking God with you for Misty and all that she gave you. I imagine, she would thank you much the same. I am praying for you today. I am praying for Olivia. She is a treasure and I’m so thankful for her similarities to her mother. Praise the Lord for all that he is doing, and for the answers yet to come!
In Christ,
Stacy
Thank you for sharing your letter to your incredible wife and choosing to honor God so openly and honestly.
Speechless. And honored to be able to read that.
Absolutely beautiful!!!
Dearest Darren,
No words can express what you wrote more precious then what you said. Totally amazingly speechless. This hole week I have really had her on my mind as I knew this day was coming this week. It’s a sad day for I’m sure everyone, and God knows I have done my share of crying this week, and today was no different except for more tears. But, all week I have been trying to tell myself and make me think that is today is a happy and healthy day for Misty as today is the day she went to God, and to be with God is the most amazing gift in life. She is finally out of pain and very very happy. So let’s all try to think of this, as hard as it is, that today is Mistys blessing. With all the love in the world, and I’m sure that is with saying for everyone. God Bless Misty and God Bless you and Olivia and family.
In God and faith we trust,
Love, Aunt Amy~
Thank you for sharing this, Darren. Greater things have yet to come… in the power of Jesus and in the memory of Misty. She was an inspiration and so are you.
You have such a beautiful heart. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. I would love to have known Misty personally – and I’m so glad that were able to meet you! I am honored to have stood with both of you in faith for Misty’s healing. I (like you) have many questions; some of which I know will probably not be answered until I’m home in heaven – and that’s okay. I still love to stand until the end – and as you know, even past the end – to fight the good fight.
Praying for you Darren. Give Olivia a super BIG hug – and tell her it’s all the way from Texas!!!!
Thank you, Darren, for sharing your heart. We are all blessed by you, Olivia, and Misty’s incredible story. Continue on!
Remembering you today. Still praying for you and Olivia. Still praying for how God will use Misty’s story to bring Him glory.
love you much.
cris
Darren, Misty’s life has truly inspired many people. Throughout every circumstance her faith and strength was monumental. Just as you thanked Misty in the letter, I thank God for allowing me to know you and your family. From metting you and praying for her, God showed me what trust and living by faith really was. Her life, will continue to teach us valuable lessons throughout our lives. I will continue to keep you Olivia and your family in my prayers. Miss you!
I started to write this after I read your post this morning, but I was fighting back the tears too much to be able to see the screen. And I was at my desk at work, which didn’t help.
Thank you for allowing me (and all of us) to be a part of yours and Misty’s story, whether in person or via mediums such as this. I will never forget the day I came across your blog, and how it has changed my outlook and my own faith since. I pray that the coming years are that of great gain spiritually for you, and growth and further understanding for Olivia.
Thank you so so much for sharing that and allowing me to remember what an amazing woman of God Misty was! I am blessed for having known her
Darr,
Thanks for that. Your openess and candor are touching. That was really beautiful. and I’m proud of you for keeping to the date–it would have been maybe easier to wait a few more days…
Gosh! I really miss Misty. She was an incomparable woman–always. I am so glad I know where she is. I’m so glad I knew her and got to spend years knowing her and spending holidays with her.
I miss you and Livi, too. Come back sometime to visit.
You’ve been strongly on my heart lately, and I’ve been praying that God would really minister to your heart, but I’m just now getting around to catching up on the last couple posts–perfect timing, though, eh?
Love you guys. You keep going carrying that torch for Christ and reaching out to and blessing God’s people. He will be your strength and shield(protection) and fortress(place of safety and peace).
Peace for today,
~Ang
P.S. The fam loves and misses you, too. Hugs.
Thank you for posting that. What a testament of true faith and love for the Lord but also for each other! Praying for you and your family.
Thank you so much Darren for sharing your heart. I can’t believe it has been a year. I can honestly say Misty has changed my life. Her faith, hope, and love has transformed how I live. God is so faithful and I appreciate your honesty when it comes to your faith. You are a fantastic father, Olivia is so special and blessed to have had a mother like Misty and a father like you. Thanks Darren, keep it up!
I Love you Misty and I miss you…..
Love, Lavenia
I shared Misty’s story with my students today, and I could just tell that they were listening in a way that they rarely do. Though my heart aches with missing her and wishing she were still here for you, Livi, everyone, I can’t help but smile as I think about her each day.
Love you tons, Darren, and I remain in constant awe of your faith and spirit. I only I wish I were an ounce as faithful.
We are so proud of you Darren. Nicole says such great things about you and how you have handled this whole year. May God bless you and continue in the healing He has begun. May you love that child the way Christ loves the Church, and may you be truly and completely happy in this world for as long as God gives you breath.
Darre, thank you so much for this post. I followed your blog so closely this time a year ago and have not paid it as much attention since then. I saw your status on Facebook yesterday and decided I should check it out again. I’m so happy that I did, because that was a beautiful post. I am sure that Misty is looking down on you and Olivia and beaming. You should be very proud of everything that you’ve done in her honor, and the little girl you are raising. I pray that the two of your are richly blessed for years to come.
Darren,
I must admit I haven’t visited in a while, but God led me to you tonight. I was so happy to read that you are heading to the seminary. My brother was called to the seminary several years ago, and watching his transformation and growth has been an extraordinary experience. Many Blessings! ~ Luci
Darren,
It has taken me a few days to get up enough courage to read your blog. I have been thinking about the one year anniversary for weeks. Your letter to Misty was beautiful thank you for sharing it. I have learned so much from your journey and from praying for Misty, Olivia and you. God is good and He loves us with a love that is beyond my understanding. I agree with you about Misty. She changed lives by her willingness to trust God even unto death. That is amazing. Love, Geannine
Thanks for sharing your letter. It’s raw and truthful and I’m better for reading it. You make me want to be that person to those who I’m close to, who Misty was and is to you.
-trident
Darren,
I stumbled upon your story in the midst of my own grief one year ago. Within 2 months of our marriage, my husband and I lost his dad and our cousin’s baby. Both deaths were unexpected and did not allow for goodbyes. I periodically return to your website to see how you and Olivia are doing. She is a cutie. Thank you for sharing your inspirational words.
Megan
Darren,
I don’t know you, but I have wept with you and Misty though your journey. I pray for you and your daughter that God’s peace and grace abound more and more. His ways are not our ways, that’s a hard one- I too don’t understand the pain Misty has suffered and why her. Maybe we won’t understand, but can still believe in God’s plan. Is that called trust? Anyway maybe you will find that out in seminary and will be able to share with us all. God bless you, truly bless you. Peggy
Incredible.
Tears.
Misty must be so honored. I imagine her rejoicing with the angels.
Darren,
You are a wonderful man. Hopefully one day you will find it in your heart to move forward and possibly find someone else to share your life with. I mean no disrepsect to Misty what so ever, and I know that htis may be years and years away. You remind me of someone I grealy respected who had so much love to offer to a best friend, a spouse that she was a better person when she had someone to share her life with. It is awesome that you have decided on seminary. Blessings.
Just thinking about you…hope you and your daughter have a great Christmas together