The Blog
peace I don't really understand
September 19, 2008I’m not a great “pray-er”. My Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) kicks in after about 3.2 minutes and my mind is all over the place. A few years back Misty got me this ADD self test. There were 50 questions and if you answered yes to more than 20 it was recommended that you see a doctor. I got 47. Wait…sorry, lost focus there. Ok, back on track now…
So I have to pray out loud or my mind quickly wanders. When I pray out loud I tend to use scripture that I know. Growing up, my favorite verse was Phil 4:6-7. I really had no idea why…I mean, it was nice, but I couldn’t say that it really had become “real” to me or anything. But nevertheless, I often quoted it as my favorite verse. I have even prayed this verse over many of you that will read this today:
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Well, since this ordeal has really kicked into high gear, I can’t tell you how much I have prayed that. And in the beginning, it just wasn’t working. I’d pray that, but it didn’t seem to be a reality in our lives. We didn’t have peace…even though we tried very hard to. Well, I think there was just a little delay in that peace coming to us…
Today marks the lowest point in Misty’s physical condition. She woke up with a seizure and has not been able to really fully wake up from that. It’s now 2am and the seizure was over 13 hours ago. Misty has woken up only a handful of times and has not yet made eye contact. When she wakes, her eyes are half open and her face without expression. We got her to drink a little bit of juice (which was encouraging) but had trouble getting her to swallow applesauce with crushed pills. I did get a response from her as I moved toward her face and asked her for a kiss. She pushed her lips out a bit to kiss me. And without fail, every time she wakes up, she grabs my hand if I put it near hers.
So yes, this may represent the lowest point in Misty’s physical condition, but this is far from the darkest hour. In the midst of this hospital room, there is a peace and comfort that I cannot explain or understand. There is a confidence in God and a willingness to endure whatever difficulty comes our way. It seems that God finally came through on that prayer that I prayed so many times…and in good timing too. I am actually glad we had to go through those dark times when her physical condition was so much better. It makes us appreciate and recognize the peace and comfort even more now.
So here is my prediction. Some of the “fog” now is still lingering from effects of the seizure and the medicine…so tomorrow will be markedly better and we will be heading home from the hospital. Then by the end of next week we are going to be singing with Misty as she praises God for her miracle. And, no, I do not have a special gift of prophecy (I’m not saying that at all)…I’m just still believing that God will come through for Misty. Psalm 34:19 says:
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the LORD delivers him out of them all.
We have nothing left to do other than stand on what the Bible says. So that’s what we are doing. It’s really not such a bad place. By the way, earlier today, someone came into the ER and told us that he knew us and had arranged for us to have a private room. This was such a blessing, especially on what some of the staff described as one of the busiest days in months!
Anyway, it looks like Misty is waking a bit….
I’m gonna hit publish on this and go back to just holding her hand.
Fasting
September 17, 2008Misty had an ok day, not great, but ok. We are having a series of difficulties…some are a bit discouraging, but there remains a quiet confidence in our God. There is still peace in our home. We did have a visit from a physical therpist and that went very well. Misty was responsive to her and was showing decent strength in her good arm and leg.
Isaiah 58 says that when you fast properly (read about the lifestyle characterized as proper),
“ 8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;”
I’m starting an extended fast tomorrow. I’m expecting her healing to come…but I am praying that it will “quickly appear”.
Monk & water cooler Misty talk
September 16, 2008Did you ever see that episode of Monk where the city was on a garbage strike and the smell (and filth) made the OCD superstar detective (Adrian Monk) crazy. He began to theorize about incredibly stupid ideas and he convinced himself that the murder they were investigating was committed by a fame rock legend looking for an antique wing-back chair. Then his boss took him into a huge sterile white room and everything just clicked. Adrian solved the murder in minutes.
I don’t know what it is, but every time I get in the shower its like I’m getting in that big sterile room. I get in and my mind starts racing with great ideas, song lyrics, etc. Yesterday I had a great idea for Marketing AoH (oops…forgot to tell the marketing team about that – I’ll email you nicole) and today I took Olivia’s bath crayon and started writing on the wall. This is what came out as I recalled a moment just a few minutes earlier when I was laying with Misty.
I lay beside my lover
on our make-shift living room bed
Her cheek is numb and
slightly cold to my lips
Her eyelids just barely cracked open
even as she sleeps
Her limp arm is draped across her chest
so it doesn’t dangle lifeless from the edge of the mattress
Her lips pressed shut
in a shallow but noticeable frown
Everything that was once solace
has long since faded
What was once comfort
is rendered meaninglessBut a new hope emerges
from the solitude of despair
An exploding light
destroying the shadows of death and doubt
An anthem of hope to our weary minds
A smouldering confidence being fanned and kindledYes, out of the darkness came
a new assurance that whatever sorrow
our human lives endure before God’s healing is complete
Whatever pain may come
it will somehow bear witness to the Glory of God
Anyway, today was ok. Misty was up and awake more and she did some vocalizations. It’s still tough though. It usually takes 4 or 5 times of asking her a question before you get a response and she does a lot of staring. Taking pills has gotten rough as she is not so good at swallowing. It’s like she forgets about it when stuf is in her mouth. I’m not worried…still confident in God. My prayer is that he brings restoration soon. The Bible says have faith…that’s our part.
IMPORTANT: I was disturbed to hear today that the buzz around some christian groups was “oh, did you hear about the MRI…it was so bad, she’s getting worse” and “I feel so bad for them”. If you need to discuss what is going on for your own therapy, thats fine. Unlike some popular teachers, I don’t believe a lack of faith or negative speaking will have any effect on Misty’s healing. But, I want to encourage you to not feel sorry for her. She is happy and living a life trusting in God right now. She doesn’t need sympathy. She does still need prayers though. God’s hand moves by the faith and the prayers of his people. Water cooler talk about how bad her MRI was does little good. So next time you see that friend tell them how exciting it is that God is waiting just long enough to make this miracle so amazing that the world can’t help but notice.
an email
Just got a note from an old friend and wanted to share it.
Hey Darren,
I just wanted to let you, Misty, and Olivia know that we’ve been praying for all three of you consistently each day and are eagerly awaiting God’s miracle. I’m not sure if you heard this story today, but it’s rare on the news that they would give God the credit for a miraculous healing (see video below). I cant wait until millions will be touched and inspired by the hand of God through Misty’s healing! To God be ALL the Glory!!
http://gmy.news.yahoo.com/v/9754358
-Tom
another day closer to healing
September 15, 2008I haven’t been so good with that unwritten caregiver rule about taking time to yourself…so I went to see switchfoot on saturday. They were playing about 20 minutes from my house, so I just went for their 1hr set. Thanks so much to Erika, Brian and Joe for the free tickets. I can’t tell you how much I appreciated it.
It was a good show. I haven’t seen them in years. I knew them personally years ago (before they got huge) so it was nice to get out to a concert. Here is one I took with my point and shoot (didn’t want to drag the real camera).
Since I’m breaking out the pictures, I’ll give you a couple more. The other day I had an nice little bumble bee hanging around my dying basil plant.
Anyway, today was pretty nice. Misty was definitely doing better than yesterday. We even got outside for dinner. She is still pretty foggy in her mind, but definitely an improvement over yesterday.
rally the troops
September 14, 2008Just over 2 months ago I asked you all to spread the word about Misty and to focus on prayer. Misty was in rough shape and the doctors didn’t give her much hope. In response to that there was an incredible outpouring of prayer. For 2 months now, Misty has been doing so well. The last few days have been quite a little less smooth.
Despite what many of you may have thought after yesterdays post, I was not lying when I said that I wasn’t worried about how the MRI looked. I’m not. I’m not discouraged; I’m not depressed; I’m not giving up or anywhere near it. I am focused though. Considering Misty’s last couple days, we have doubled her steroids. This is not a lack of trust in God, but simply a wise choice in this human world that live in (steroids helps the swelling and the doctors suggest that were she not on any steroids, she couldn’t live at all – but that of course is only temporary until she is totally healed).
I have all the confidence in the world that God is coming through for Misty. I had hoped we were done with this, but it seems that God needs to continue this trial for a bit longer. I don’t want to be ambiguous here; God is healing Misty. I do not doubt that. It just seems that we need to rally the troops and storm God with some prayer a bit more before we see that healing actually manifest in her body. Healing is on the way though…today was significant’y better than yesterday and tomorrow will be much better yet. Please don’t feel sorry for Misty or anything. She is happy and emotionally strong right now. She has full trust in God.
I thank you all so much for your prayers. I wish I could honor each of you for spending time invested in asking God to heal Misty and for spreading the word to other Christians. I am so humbled and so incredibly appreciative. (as I reread this paragraph, I realized that that sentence doesn’t all convey the depth of my gratitude…really, thanks) I am excited though for each of us because I believe we will all have our faith increased when this miracle is completed. Imagine how great it will be for our children to grow up seeing a miracle like this. Seeing Misty singing and telling her story. I’m fully expecting Olivia to have faith so much stronger than the shallow amount that I can muster up.
I’m going to leave you with this Psalm.
Psalm 33
1 Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous;
it is fitting for the upright to praise him.2 Praise the LORD with the harp;
make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.3 Sing to him a new song;
play skillfully, and shout for joy.4 For the word of the LORD is right and true;
he is faithful in all he does.5 The LORD loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love.6 By the word of the LORD were the heavens made,
their starry host by the breath of his mouth.7 He gathers the waters of the sea into jars;
he puts the deep into storehouses.8 Let all the earth fear the LORD;
let all the people of the world revere him.9 For he spoke, and it came to be;
he commanded, and it stood firm.10 The LORD foils the plans of the nations;
he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.11 But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever,
the purposes of his heart through all generations.12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD,
the people he chose for his inheritance.13 From heaven the LORD looks down
and sees all mankind;14 from his dwelling place he watches
all who live on earth-15 he who forms the hearts of all,
who considers everything they do.16 No king is saved by the size of his army;
no warrior escapes by his great strength.17 A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
despite all its great strength it cannot save.18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,19 to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.20 We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.21 In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.22 May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.
holding my arms up
September 13, 2008No update today. I’m spending my blog time praying.
And thanks for holding my arms up in prayer. I need it.
Even Moses needed it….I need it even more.
Pray for:
- Healing for Misty
- Wisdom on how to best care for her
the docs
September 12, 2008I woke up to the sound of my blackberry. It was our new doctor wanting to know if I had talked with Dr. Raval about the MRI. Well, I hadn’t, so he told me all about how it looked much worse. I knew this already, I read the scan myself. I’m not a doctor, but I’ve been looking at these things for years and the critical pieces are pretty easy to pick out. But I didn’t act like I knew it already….for some reason actually hearing the words almost made me fearful. I just responded politely with something non-specific, like “thanks for calling” and that was it. This whole strength thing is not quite second nature to me yet.
2 Timothy 1:7
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
Fortunately, I got a chance to redeem myself. Dr. Raval called later in the day just to tell the same news, but in a more detailed manner (he knows I like to pretend to talk the lingo). He compassionately asked if there is anything he could do to make Misty more comfortable. I told him that we are just fine right now and we will be even more fine when God finishes the healing in Misty.
On a different, though somewhat related note, I reread some old posts today…
You know, with every new day I realize more how little I really understand God. I guess that’s the way its supposed to be, but I hate it. I’m just publicly saying it, because I know I often speak strongly about things…and well, I’m not really an authority on anything. I’m just a guy with a little bible training and a lot of love for people trying to figure out how the heck to live a life of faith like the Bible tells us to. Maybe someday I’ll know what I’m talking about. For now, I’m glad that God has Misty in his hands and that I don’t have to figure out any magic formula for him to deliver her.
still laughing and needing an executive assistant
September 11, 2008Ok so its 3am and I’m exhausted. We had an amazing day but slightly rough night (hence, why its 3am and I’m just sitting down here).
Misty was laughing again today and smiling. She’s been more active. This is so encouraging to us because it solidifies the thought that the sickness she was having was from weaning off the steroids (we have held fast at the same dose for a week now).
Ok today was so hectic that i didn’t get to like 60% of my email (this is pretty unusual)…so if you emailed me about the open executive assistant gig for AoH, I’ll get back to you when I can get through my email. If you didn’t, and want to talk about it…please email me.
I’m really sick of my friend Joel being in the hospital. Lyss (his daughter and a dear friend of mine) has been posting progress on her website and it looks like he will be going in for surgery really soon. Can we pray that this is the beginning of the end. That the team of doctors at this new hospital has the wisdom to help him and that God speeds up his recovery. I’m getting cranky waiting so long for God to come through for that family.
Lastly, I want to honor Michele Roberts. Michele has been an encouragement to me and to many of you who “lurk” in the comments on this website. I do not know her personally, but hope to someday. Let’s stand with her in believing that her son Brenton is healed of cancer. Keep her website on your reading list. So, thank you Michele, for being an encouragement to me and to so many others even as you deal with such an enormous trial in your own life. I admire you.
Ok, it’s now 3:30. I got distract 16 times in that 30 minute period and visited 3 competely unrelevant websites. I love ADD. I have no idea how I function in society.
laughing and needing an executive assistant
September 10, 2008I just have a quick couple things today.
1) Today was kinda rough for me. I’m just emotionally tired. There is nothing anyone can do about it, so please don’t worry about it. There are so many other peices that we struggle with each day that I don’t mention for one reason or another…and its getting tiring. But as I was getting worn out God gave me a gift. Tonight misty and I were laying in bed just looking at each other. She made a funny face at me and we both started laughing. We had no idea why…just laughed. It was nice….we haven’t done that in way too long.
2) I need some help! Anthem of Hope is really taking off. There are about 60 tasks currently being worked by over a dozen volunteers. I try to provide proper oversight for the whole operation, but I find my timeslot of late night working (still don’t do any work when misty is awake) seemingly gettting shorter. I need an executive assistant to track different projects and tasks, maintain information databases, do internet research, coordinate meeting times for the group, and other tasks along those lines. You would need to commit to at least 30 minutes a night (yes, you get time off..haha). Ideally this is someone who has grown up with a computer in their hand, can read and write english, spends their free time organizing their sock drawer and has a personal desire (dare I say passion) to help hurting people. This is a volunteer position and all I can offer you is the opportunity to be on a team that will be used to radically impact thousands of lives. Email me if you are interested.
3) It seems with my comment that the MRI didn’t look good, many of you began to doubt that God has healed her of cancer and begain to think about all the alternative treatments there are. After all, the MRI is the authority right? Well, I’m learning that it is not. We really do love those of you who have sent info on clinical trials and new treartments, but that information isn’t needed right now. In the past those leads have been helpful, but we are on a different path right now. I can’t explain this, and to those of you who aren’t Christians I know I must sound like an idiot…but I feel strongly that we need to stay where we are right now. That could change any time and if it does you will all hear about what treatment option we pursue. I don’t want the 30 of you that emailed me about treatment options to feel silly…I really do appreciate it. I have just never explained that our “stillness” is quite deliberate and we believe its where we are supposed to be for now. There are no right or wrong answers when the traditional practice of medicine fails….we have asked God for wisdom and we need to rest in the decisions we make. God is not going to burn us for trying to do what he wants us to.
4) Lastly, and most importantly for me today…my dear friend Joel Parker is still in the hospital. His daughter Alyssa has started a blog. Please stop by there today and read his story. I know there are some of you who can pray…I mean really pray (I’m not one of those people). I plead with you to join in praying for Joel. He has been in the hospital for 19 months and needs to be healed. You can read Alyssa’s blog here:
http://parkerfamilyupdates.blogspot.com/
Please pray for him.